Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
