So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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