I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
