so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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