i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
