Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
