My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
