she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
