I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
