I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
