My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
