Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
