Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
