Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
