Fuck appropriateness.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
