The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
