you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
