he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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