Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
