I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
