Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
