I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
