i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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