No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
