I think I am morally bankrupt
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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