If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
