Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
