why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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