At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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