he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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