i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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