Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
