my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Randomize
