he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
