I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
