Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
