dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
