I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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