Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
