this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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