I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I need mimosas to revive my soul
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
