Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
