i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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