And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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