How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
