i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
