I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The air was thick with penises
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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