Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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