so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
