He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wish you could order shots online.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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