just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
