omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You may now shotgun with the bride
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
