After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
