u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
