Where are you?
In a non slutty way
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
