Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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