Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize