got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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