All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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