So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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