i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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