My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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