So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
