Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
