My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
