Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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