I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
