The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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