whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
