dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
