Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize