I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
