So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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