if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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