I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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